I’ve always been an optimist.
I blame my Dad for this-he is the most “sunny ways” person I know. He instilled in me that every situation, regardless of it’s level of awful, can have a silver outline. He takes the darkest of times and sees the positive light of day.
It’s good, but bad.
It’s made me an optimistic liar.
For you see, thanks to my optimistic view of life I lie to myself all the time.
I wakeup and say “today I’ll drink less coffee, eat healthy and really walk the dog!”
I make promises I know I’ll never keep. For example last week, when I vowed not to eat dairy, but then happily consumed a slice of pizza when it stared me in the face.
I like to think I can achieve anything. A positive trait one would think. I also try and see the good in every situation. Achievement, and optimism…both good qualities? Ones you’d put in an interview list for sure!
However, sometimes these views make me believe things that are untrue. Only to face disappointment.
I tell myself optimistic lies all the time.
Bad grade? I’ll do better next assignment! I’ll makeup those attendance marks by talking a-ton in the last few weeks.
A relationship on the tumble? Optimist me sees possibility, focuses on good times, dreams of hope in the end.
…My hair pulling is never exempt from my optimism in particular.
I lie about my Trichotillomania the most.
Wearing a hat? Today I won’t pull my hair!
New haircut? There. I won’t ruin this one. This haircut will make things better…there’s one hair out of place, need to fix that.
New apartment? I won’t pull my hair here. This is a pull-free zone…sits on couch, pulls hair.
New relationship? I won’t pull my hair around this person…pulls hair the minute the person leaves the room.
I don’t need to get help for this, I’m in control…sits on couch and pulls hair out by clumps.
Lies to ourselves are just things of desire. Although no matter how optimistic or well aimed they may be, they’re detrimental to success and to ourselves.
I’m know I won’t magically become truthful to myself overnight. Nor do I want to. I also know I’m not going to become a pessimist. Bright side views and sunny ways is who I am. Who I was raised to be, and love that about myself.
Instead I’m going to aim to be critical. Critical of thoughts, critical of lies, critical of views. Aiming instead for goals with tangible targets, and points of success. I’ll be different this time around…
Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself.